About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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