I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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