we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
