think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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