I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
