so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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