Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
