My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
