So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
