Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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