She is in my trunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
