He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
