I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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