Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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