we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
