Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
