I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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