Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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