At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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