he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
