I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
