Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
