i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am full of burrito and curiosity
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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