Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
nutella sex= disaster
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
