OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
