You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
