so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
