You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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