I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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