I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
