I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
