Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As shirtless as possible
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
