he shaved USA in his pubs
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
