i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
