Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dick very happy bro
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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