hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
