Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize