She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
