Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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