I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
