chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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