wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
