bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
