I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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