At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize