smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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