why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The maid of honor just puked.
I wish I only lived at night.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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