no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just pee around me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
