I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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