we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
