the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know her cup size but not her name....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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