i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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