Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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