and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
