we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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