I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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