We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
