she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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