I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
