either way he was missing a nipple.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
