I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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