Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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