tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
