those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Help. Why am I so naked?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
