So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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