D3 body, D1 cock
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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