he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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