I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize