Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.