i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The pigeons can smell the fear
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship