8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?