He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
