I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?