you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.