Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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