I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize