Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
