yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
