Porn is love you can see.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
