Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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