If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
