She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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